Mrs. Lamme and the terrible awful no good very bad week!

This was the worst school week possibly ever. Here's the way it all went down:

• Monday - mashed two fingers on left hand in the slab roller while attempting to roll and cut 28 6" tiles in a BIG hurry. No students are present, I say words that should never be said inside the walls of an elementary school. It hurt like hell and I worry that I may lose a fingernail before it's all over.
• Tuesday - roll and cut an additional 28 6" tiles with injured and hurting left hand. Make certain that all body parts are clear from dangerous rolling and mashing mechanism. (Speculate that the origin of slab roller may have been based on medieval instrument of torture.)
• Wednesday - cut fingers of same hand multiple times prepping tooling foil for a 6th grade project.(Use good hand to note avoid ordering 36 guage foil in the future.) Experience additional cuts to right hand when angry, emotionally troubled student yanks a piece of said foil from my hand. He complains repeatedly that he has been singled out to recieve, and I quote,"...a defective piece of foil."Send student to office. Upon return to his regular classroom the boy has a total and complete meltdown after his classmates gang up on him for being mean to Mrs. Lamme. They convince him that I was sobbing and bleeding profusely, neither of which were true. Spend 15 minutes on phone after school with tearful mother of same student.
• Thursday - receive message from same parent requesting that I return her call, but have no time to do so. I still have not returned the call and likely will never do so. The boss forwards me an email about two elementary art teachers in the district being recognized at a board meeting for their workshop presentation on the techniques of paper manipulation. He asks if I have presented this year. I reply no, but that my next conference presentation will cover the importance of blended literacy and open ended instruction. (I feel quite certain that it was a complete waste of sarcasm!)
• Friday - Have majority of my limited plan time taken by drop in visit from the mother of a different sixth grade boy. She is crying because he 'lost' his tooling foil in my room and I told him that he would not be able to do the project as I have no extra foil. She suggests that I should have held the entire class at the end of the period until the missing foil turned up. Difficult to do, I explain, when my classes are back-to-back. (I don't even have time to pee I want to tell her!) PTO snags the remainder of my plan time, asking me to participate in the 'Art to Remember' fund raiser, AND then donate the proceeds to PTO. They act severely offended when I say that I would expect their assistance and stipulate that a portion of the money be donated to the art room.

My MU email account keeps offering a $25. bar tending course. The notion of tending bar is looking more attractive with each passing day. I could stay up late, sleep in, and probably get away with telling people to F-off when they annoy me.